Personal Revolution

It’s been a while since my last blog post. I have been redefining my priorities and I regret to admit they weren’t exactly the direction I wanted to go. I think I have it figured out. Though with me who knows for sure. I have felt that way a lot in the past. There is no one true absolute right answer. I am starting week 4 of consistent running. This is a huge thing as this is the first time I have made it through week 3. I started yoga. Okay, it’s been one class, but it’s a start!! The more I push forward the stronger I become and the more that I come to realize that I am a beautiful person, something that I have been fighting to believe for a long time. When people treat you like you are unimportant scum for a long time you come to believe it and it takes time to change your opinion of yourself. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’m going to come out on top in the end. 

So what does this post have to do with running? It’s about how important mentally running is to me. When I decided to take on going to school and working two jobs I had convinced myself that I would have no time for running because other things (paid work and school work) were more important. That is absolutely a lie. I figured that out a few weeks in. I am more important. My physical health and my mental well-being are more important. I can take 30-40 minutes a day to work on me. The mental effects were quick; the physical effects are just starting to show. 

Running for me is a mental release from the day. For me it is so much better to run in the morning. When I run before I go to work it makes getting through all the stressors of the day so much easier. I feel like I am calmer, more in control of my day. I am happier when I work with my patients and my coworkers. Now it’s time to work on eating healthier and getting more into my spiritual side, which I feel is released also by running. I want to do a lot more trail running, to release my tensions in the woods where I feel so at home and at peace. Nature is my “church”, my playground… As a wiccan I may not have the same beliefs that other people do, but in truth we are all just looking for what makes us happy, and free. There is so much I want to accomplish with my life and now that I know where my priorities need to lie I can stop living my life for others and start living it for myself. I can do that by running, through yoga, through spending more time with the people who make me feel happy, loved, and whom bring out my true personality—not the persona I feel like I need to put on to get ahead. I can continue to teach, continue to learn, continue to grow. The road may be steep, the path may be dark, and your body may be tired, but you will always find your way if you are determined. Determination builds strength of character and in that you will find your way “home”. 

Week Two of "The Challenge"

I woke up this morning at one am. This is the second time this week. I’m not really sure what is going on with that but it is really frustrating. I woke up sweating and yet I was cold. I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest from anxiety. I had so many racing thoughts I couldn’t get back to sleep. Now I’m up and had to take the dogs out in the cold so I figured I would update my postings here and then maybe I would feel better and be able to go back to sleep.

Week one of my challenge is now complete and for the most part I feel as though it went well and I learned quite a few things from it. One of the first things that I learned is that I am really, really hard on myself. Probably much harder than I need to be. To the point where I am downright mean to myself. I tend to dwell on things that I can’t change. Friday as I was doing my core strengthening exercises I started going through the “Why” and “What if” questions. “Why did I wait so long to do this?” “Why did I let myself get to this point” “What if I can’t do this?” “Why don’t you just give up now?” I wanted to just lay there and give up. It would be so much easier. If I give up now though by the end of the decade I could very easily reach 200 pounds at the rate I am going. I can’t let it get to that point. I need to keep pushing myself even though it is hard, my muscles hurt, and I’m tired. I feel in some ways it is helping me manage my stress. However I don’t know what is going on with this onset of waking up at stupid hours of the morning but I'm pretty sure it's my thyroid.

So last Saturday I set a couple goals. I did much better at sticking to the training plan than I did with my nutrition goal. I missed one day of my training plan and that yesterday’s three mile run. That is a huge improvement for me so I’m not going to beat myself up over it. We’re just going to try to nail every training day this week. I really did not do well as far as sticking to my nutrition goal at all, I think I managed to meet that goal two days out of the eight. So I’m going to make some changes to my plan to meet that goal and see if I can make an improvement. Overall I do feel better about myself in general. I need to stop obsessing over it and remember it is going to take time to reach those long term goals and focus more on the here and now.

My goals for the week of 12/6-12/12:

• Incorporate one fruit serving and one vegetable serving into my lunch every day. I am going to do some research onto how to make this easier and more convenient for me because a lot of times I don’t sit down to eat lunch, especially at work. I eat on the run.
• Stick to my training plan for this week and on rest day at least walk one mile on the treadmill to keep myself moving.

Again my goal for the month is to be 170 pounds by December 31. I am not going to get on the scale before that day because I know myself and I will obsess. I just need to smile and put one foot in front of the other and I truly think it will get easier with time. I will try to keep the updates coming!